Our memory will remain forever...

I look at your chair,

To see what you are doing,

To see your smiling face,

Only to see an empty chair.

I peep through your room door,

To look at your bed,

To make sure you are in good sleep,

Only to see an empty bed.

I open my ears,

To listen to your voice,

To listen to your laughter,

Only to hear a speechless night.

I look into my dream,

To hope that it is just a movie in my sleep,

To hope that you will be here again tomorrow,

Only to realize that reality will never change.

I look into my mind,

To let you go,

To let you have a peaceful journey,

Because I know you will forever in my heart.

~Lai Shin

My Beloved Uncle...

27 th February 2005... That was the most memorable day in my life. It was the day where my life changed. My family schedule had changed and the person who got the most impact from this was my beloved uncle. As usual, he woke up early in the morning, as early as 7 am. That morning, he just sat on the chair; with his right side was paralyzed... yes... it’s the sign of stroke! He was hospitalized for a week in General Hospital before back to my house with his condition not much improved. In the third week after his stroke, he was hospitalized again due to pneumonia. Again, he was hospitalized for a week. Seeing his condition at that moment was really heartache. He could not even turn his position on bed, he needed to use feeding tube to eat and he could not even speak a word.

Many people said that his condition would never improve. But deep in my heart, I knew that nothing was impossible. One day in April 2005, lightning struck my house. A flash of lightning struck on the floor of my house. It was just about one feet from where I was standing and about 2 feet from where my uncle was sitting. From the floor, the lightning struck two fluorescence lights and my house phone. I was stunned for a moment. After that, I heard my uncle spoke his first words... he was mumbling. From his reaction, I realized that he could talk and I encouraged him to talk everyday. He did. He did practice his pronunciation. He managed to count until number 10. He started to speak few words. However, he could not deliver his message correctly to us because what he talked did not appear to be what he thought. But he never gave up. He kept on practicing everyday. I learnt a lot from him. Every single achievement from him made us happy. At first, he could not even sit. Then, he slowly leaded himself to turn his body on the bed and sat. He would always find the best way to help us to move himself from one place to another. Thanks to my cousins who came to my house everyday to help him bath.

Still eating using the feeding tube, he looked thinner that before. He was fed at 8am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm and 9pm. We used cylinder syringe to inject the milk and medicine through the feeding tube. My father invented a roller chair to allow him to move around while my mother invented a container to allow him to urinate without the need to go to toilet. On the 1^st May 2005, the feeding tube was ‘accidentally’ pulled out from my uncle twice in that day (we were wondering whether he was the one who pulled it out). As the feeding tube was pulled out for the second time in the afternoon before his dinner, we took him to the hospital. We waited at the emergency room from 7pm until 10pm yet there were no doctors to entertain us as if we were ‘transparent’. ‘Good’ service from them. We waited in the room and the nurse only asked us to wait, wait and wait. Finally, the doctor told us that he did not need to use the feeding tube anymore as he could eat using his mouth. ‘Good’ service... waited there for 3 hours and finally we were being told that my uncle did not need the feeding tube anymore. Well, of course my uncle was very happy because... he could eat now!

He always showed his determination to talk and move his affected right hand and right leg. He learnt to ‘walk’ by using his left leg to move the rolling chair. He was very independent. He never gave up. He knew how to make full use of his left hand and left leg. He had strengthened my determination to be a special education teacher because he had taught me that everyone has His/Her own potential. Because of him, I learnt to appreciate the people around me. Because of him, I learnt to practice persistence, patience and strength. Because of him, my life is more meaningful. And because of him, after 4 years, I learnt that life is impermanent and he taught me how it feels to miss someone who ‘travel’ to a place far away from here. I love you and miss you, uncle. You really had leaved a great impact in my life. May you lay in peace... may you be free from enmity and danger, may you be free from mental suffering, may you be free from physical suffering, may you take care of yourself happily.

~In memory~

Lai Shin