No more faint next time... please...

It was my second time that I nearly fainted outside of my house. The first time was a few months ago when I was on my way back home after I met the doctor. Perhaps I was not feeling well on that day, when I was crossing the road, my vision getting blur. I was lucky as I managed to cross the road safely and took a rest at the nearby kopitiam. Last week, when I was walking back to my rented room, I dropped by at the same kopitiam. (Eh, the same kopitiam…?) While I was queuing up to buy the food, I suddenly felt nausea. My vision was getting blur while paying for the food. I quickly took a seat and rested. I started to recover but 5 minutes later, my vision turned blur again and suddenly 'blacked out'. I was sweating. I felt helpless at that moment. I wished to have someone to help me. I really do. At that moment, I really hoped my close friends or my family was there for me. But... none of them was there. I knew that I’ve to be strong… I kept on telling myself not to faint. I closed my eyes tightly and kept reminding myself. I felt really afraid... afraid that I'll faint; Afraid that I won't reach my home. After a few seconds, I tried to open my eyes… hoping that I’ll regain my sight. And… I really did! Still with my dizziness, I looked around and realized that the couple at the next table was looking at me. There were others who looked at me too. Paiseh…! If I had energy and not dizzy at that moment, I would have dash out from the shop. But, my legs and my head did not allow me to do that. To make sure that I could reach my house which is 10 minutes from there, I sat until I was confident enough to continue my ‘journey’. The 10 minutes ‘journey’ was really an exhausted one. It was as if a 30 minutes journey to me.

From this incident, I learnt not to walk out of the house alone if not feeling well; not to work too hard until ignore my health and… love our friends, because we’ll never know what will happen tomorrow. Thanks… thanks that I was safe and is still here to share out this experience… thanks ~ A great debt of gratitude ~

A Meaningful Experience with the Blind

It was the best experience that has raised my determination to continue exploring the life of the visual impaired. It was the "Simposium Teknologi dan Pameran Alat Bantu untuk OKU Penglihatan" which was held at Malaysian Association for the Blind (MAB). Two teachers and four students from my school were invited to this symposium and I'm the only sighted. This was my first experience to lead four totally blind (B1) individuals to walk on the road... and it's OUTSIDE of the school! I was nervous and doubted my ability to be a good leader (my aim was simple-as long as I won't cause any mishap to them).

Thanks to my friend who had guided me on the correct ways to lead the 'train'. As the 'captain of the train', I had to be aware of the surrounding, the best road to be taken (less traffic) and be extremely CAREFUL when cross the roads (we crossed 4 roads-2 of these are busy roads). Our destination? Our destination was KL Central... we walked from MAB at Brickfields to KL Central to take the LRT back to Wangsa Maju. It was as if I were having the night walk during BSMM camps... challenging!

We walked in a line, and I was the first to start the 'journey'. The passers-by were staring at us. Sigh... don't you ever see human? Why are you staring at us as if we were aliens? Perhaps they never see such a long 'train' walking on the roads. Well, never mind... who cares at your stares. I have to admit that, I was not a good guider. Once in a while, my students might knocked at the obstructions at the side of the roads. Now, I realized that there are SO MANY obstructions such as the motorcycles, pillars and even cars on the side of the roads. It's not pleasing at all... we 'knocked into' the obstructions several times... no no... I should say, I caused them knocked into these obstructions for several times. See... as I told you before, I was such a weak leader/guider.

I get a very meaningful experience through this. I was just lending my eyes to them but they taught me the reality of their life... far more challenging than mine. They have their night walk and jungle trekking all the times! What kind of community we are? This community belongs to everyone, not only for the sighted. Should we do something to include them into the community, to be more considerate? Should we???

Changing mindset

Time has passed so fast. This is my ninth month at my current school. I feel more relieved now and be able to accept that where I am now. It has been a tough moment for my first half year. It's not easy at all to teach without strong basic in this field. My soul rebelled for the first 6 months before I finally told myself to put a full stop to this. Why should I rebelled? Why not just accept this and continue the journey? Life goes on. No matter where am I now, I am still sharing the same aim-to help the children. The different is that, I am taking different route towards the destination. So, should I sigh any longer? No, no, no... move on and chase our dream no matter how long it takes! ^^

Rekreasi Dalam Komuniti (RDK)

Have you ever have a day with those exceptional? Well, I do. I’ve experienced this twice, thanks to my courses… PDK and RDK. For the latest semester, my course mate and I were having our RDK. It was a camp organized by us for the exceptional students from two selected schools in Kuantan. It was held in Taman Pertanian Jubli Perak Sultan Haji Ahmad Shah, Kuantan.

I guess you are asking me, what are so special about the camp? It is just another camp that most of us have joined since school time and the activities are almost the same… Jungle trekking, games etc. Well, if you are saying this, you are wrong. If you ask me, what are so special about this camp, my answer will be this: It was the special students that make the camp so special. This camp is the most meaningful camp to me, whether before, during or after the camp.

I learnt a lot from them. They are creative ‘children’ (I use the word ‘children’ because their development may be a little late compared to their normal friends. Most of them are already around 17 years old but you’ll never expect that their ages are that old. I still treat them as if they were children) who have different types of disability such as slow learner and Down Syndrome. They are exceptional but they have tremendous spirit. They are exceptional but they are brave. They are exceptional but they are willing to learn. They are exceptional but they are willing to face challenges. They are exceptional but they care for others. They are exceptional but there are strong ties of friendship between them. They are exceptional, but how many of us who are not disabled can perform as well as them? These special children are more outstanding than us in many ways.

The memory I have with them still vivid. I remember how I danced together with them. Ha… Ha… That was the first time I danced. I really did not want to teach them dancing because I do not want to mislead them. As the Malay’s proverb goes… Bagaikan ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan, I was ‘forced’ to teach them my umbrella dance. What I could do? My lecturer asked every of us to teach our own group members to dance. At that time, almost everyone was cursing my lecturer. Never heard of umbrella dance? Hehe… I do not feel surprised because I’m the one who created this dance. Every member of my group was holding the children umbrellas that I bought and there we go, dancing in front of the hall during Malam Kebudayaan with the Wonderful Day music. Oh, My God! If you were there, you’ll PENGSAN! But what has impressed me was the ability of the special children to perform very well during the Malam Kebudayaan.

During the Jungle Trekking, they could lead and help each others. They did not afraid of obstacles and manage to climb the bars, walked on the tree trunks which were being used to cross the stream, crossed a big hole in the ‘Tarzan way’, walked along the stream etc. Some of them did fall down while passing the obstacles but they have the spirit to stand back and try again. Again, how many of us can do this?

There are lots more to be shared with you but it’s better for you to try it yourself. Have a visit to any welfare home and you’ll find out many invaluable experiences. Sometimes, those exceptional are not disabled but they are treated as disabled and not given the opportunity to shine. THEY WILL SHINE IF GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY! I really miss the camp. When I listen to the song “Standing in the Eyes of the World’, it remind me of the children, standing together with us at the stage singing the song with our hands swaying to the left and to the right. It seems that they are telling us that they are standing in the eyes of the world. I love you all! (”,)

Together We Care

We all are really lucky to be able to use our senses. But can we make use of them by helping those who are not as lucky as us? You may help them by…

Open your heart for them,
Listen to their needs,
See what they lack of,
Speak of something which can create awareness among your friends so that they will…
Stand on their sides and do not insult them for their disability
Make use of your knowledge and try to apply it in a way where…
You can lend them a helping hand
And WALK by their sides, hand by hand
TOGETHER WE CARE… (“,)


~“You may think that what you are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop” -Anonymous~

To Let Go

It is a weary journey,

But I keep on walking along the road,

And I finally reach a wooden house.

I see a rainbow and try to grasp it,

But it disappears in the air.

It’s beautiful but I could not hold it tight in my arms,

I can only hold it tight in my mind.

I hear a white dove cooed softly at the wooden door,

As I drive myself towards it,

The dove lands on my hand,

I touch it but it wants to fly away.

I let it go,

Only to realize that it’s not easy to let go entirely.

I look inside my heart,

Only to see the word “MISS” engraved upon my heart.

I close my eyes,

Trying to let go what I have to let go,

To let the feeling fade away with time,

To open the box that kept the word “UNHAPPINESS”,

And let the word fly light in the air,

As how I have released the white dove flew freely in the sky.

I open my eyes,

Seeing the dove flying back to me,

It lands on my hand,

Picking the word “UNHAPPINESS” and flying back to the sky,

And finally fades in the sky.

I close my eyes,

Take a deep breath,

Letting go what I have to let go,

Is this what we called “The colours of life”?

Awareness

The public must learn that the blind man is neither genius nor a freak nor an idiot.

He has a mind that can be educated,

A hand which can be trained,

Ambitions which it is right for him to strive to realise,

And it is the duty of the public to help him make the best of himself so that he can win light through work.

~Helen Keller~

The Power of P

PASSION…
Pursuing things that catch your heart and work the best for it;

PERSISTENCE…
Saying “go, go go” when the people around saying “no, no, no”;

PERSEVERANCE…
Keep on trying and survive in the face of difficulty;

PATIENCE…
When the mind say, “Why me?” but the heart say, “I’ll stay calm and everything
unpleasant will be washed by time;

PRESENT…
Today is a gift, that’s why it is known as the present. Make full use of it.
Live for the best. When we can think POSITIVELY, everything will be POSSIBLE…

Sweet memory…

I fall in love with S. S taught me how to care for others. That day, S took my hands and we danced together. Although without any music following us, we danced happily- left and right we went. I can’t stop giggling every time I thought back of it. S is not a ‘he’ and if you think that S is my boyfriend, you are being tricked by me to read my blog-Yeah! Hahaha! If you want to scold me for this, hope you will only do this only after you have read through this blog till the end. Please, please read this till the end…

S is a petite girl, about 4 years old who is one of the participants of PDK (Pusat Pemulihan Dalam Komuniti) at my hometown. She really CUTE! Physically, I can guess that she is a Down syndrome. There are few things which have impressed me. Once, her friend cried and I ask her to care for that girl “Sayang dia, sayang dia…”. Do you know what she did? She used her both hands to wipe the tears of her friends! At that time, I realized that action really speaks louder than word. When she played with two of her friends who are having difficulty in using their hands to throw a paper-made ball, she hold their hands and taught them how to make a throw. And … bla…bla…bla… Hehe, erm…there are lots more to be shared with you, but I guess you will not get the feeling that I was having at that time if you were not there. Want to know what I felt at that time? You go there lo =p .

S is one of many special ‘children’ who impressed me. Let me share with you about PDK (Pusat Pemulihan Dalam Komuniti) this time. It is a centre where those disabled who are not accepted by the school, are placed. They are taught to take care of themselves, how to socialize with others and many other basic skills. PDK is another course which is compulsory for Special Education and my coursemate and I need to give our service and organize program for them for one sem. What I’ve learnt from there? First of all, I can tell you that, they can make you forget about the problems you are having and bring you into their world. They made me laugh and of course, they also have made me realized how fortunate am I =D.

If you think that welfare home is a place for you to show your sympathy for those unfortunate, you are definitely WRONG! It is a place where love flourishes; it is a place that teaches you how to care for others; it is a place where you push aside the stigma towards them and make them have the feeling of being part of the community and tell them that they are just as other human beings in this world. What you can do for those disabled? Well, you need to let them discover their own ability and lead them to be independent. There are many things they can do if you teach them. Importantly, remember that they are not disabled and you should not do all the works for them, ending up causing them to learn nothing =)

There is someone who I know, was touched by a Down Syndrome girl’s condition and cried in front of her at the first time she visited a Mentally Retarded Centre. And there are also others who turn their back whenever they see those disabled. Well, how about you? What is your experience or what will be your first experience in such centre? If you want to know it, you need to discover it by yourself because what you are going to get is invaluable and can never be bought by money (You can donate money to them, but touching them and giving your love to them is thousand times more valuable than money alone). Hope after you have read my blog, you are touched to have visits to such centre. Have a nice day with them! I am very sure that you can brighten up their days! Remember… It is a blessing that you can give what you can to those in need rather than to receive from others. “Palm facing down is to help people; palm facing up is to ask for help”. Which are you? The answer is in your hand. (“,)

“You may think that what you are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop”- Anynomous

Sweet memory during practicum…

Eight weeks of practicum have finally end. But the moments with my students are still fresh on my mind. Miss them…

I still remember my first week of practicum…
I felt desperate, not knowing how to teach them. It was so difficult to communicate with them, even simple words as I am not so good in using the sign language. I laughed together with the students when I have signed wrongly Mmm.. laugh together is better than being laughed right?
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Second week…
I started to question my choice to be a teacher… Am I suitable to be a special education teacher? …Do I have the patience to teach them? …Do I have the skill to teach them and make them understand what I teach? …Will I be a good teacher or I am just wasting the place provided for those who really suit for this career? Thanks to the support from my sister and friends… And I did not give up. I continued my journey… I still remember … having an autistic student (who has a very big size) who wanted to beat his friend. I was sitting in the class when that autistic student wanted to get my student. Haha… I quickly locked my classroom door. He kept on bumping the door, making a lot of noise. My student quickly hid behind the door when the door was open. The autistic student went straight into my class, not realizing that my student was hiding behind the door. And… yup… my student fled out from the class, escaped from that autistic student… SO SMART!
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Third week…
Students were having their examination throughout the week. My students’ main language is sign language… Sign language has it’s own structure and my students not really follow the grammar when signing. So, it’s a bit difficult for them to do the exam… Maybe it will work better if my students were tested using their language?
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Fourth week…
I started to teach. I still having problem in using sign language. I was a teacher and at the same time I was a student to my students… I taught them Science, BM and Pendidikan Sivik dan Kewarganegaraan while they taught me sign language. I have to admit that they are very good in teaching sign language. They always respect me; will never say bad things about me although I’m not smart enough to use their language efficiently. They understand… They know my needs. But how many of us will do the same if vice versa? However… There was a sleepy handsome who always sleep in class… He will open his eyes and look at me for 5 seconds before laid back and closed his eyes… Or… He will talk and talk and talk with his friends and irritated them. So, I asked his friend to change place. And his friend did changed his place, moved his desk to behind (he lazy to take his things out from the drawer, so he just exchanged the desks) The sleepy handsome sensed that his friend did not want to sit beside him; he got angry and pushed the desk. Then he lay on the desk and cried for a moment before he took his bag and ran out from my class. I have no choice but to follow him-how if he commit suicide? Guess where he went? He went into the male toilet, hiding himself there. Very smart huh?… He knew that I cannot go into male’s toilet. I really wanted to get into the toilet but… paiseh la. Luckily there were few form 4 students that voluntarily help me to get him out but in vain. So, I got help from a male teacher to bring him out from that toilet. Haih, I guess that toilet smells good, that’s why he wanted to stay there. I tried to deal with this sleepy handsome. How leh? As I corrected his exercise book, I got an idea. I drew 2 pictures on his book- a big cross at the picture showing a boy sleeping and a big tick at the picture showing a hardworking boy. At the same time, I gave tokens to that class. Well, well… IT WORKS! Yippy…!
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Fifth week…
My students had performance in Center Court. Seeing them performing made me felt that they are so special, so lovely. And I believe that… everyone can succeed if He works hard and works smart-so do I. So never give up! I still remember There was a cute autistic student… He liked to hit his friend. So, I hit him back everytime he hit his friend and told him that it was hurting and it’s wrong. Few days later, when I entered his class, he hit his friend for no reason. My friend, Shirling told me that the student did not hit his friend when she was in that class. Aiya… I was a catalyst for the hitting! He sure felt happy when I hit him, as if I was playing with him… BOOOMMM!!! So, like a small girl, I signed to him, “Kalau pukul dia, saya tak mahu kawan. TAK MAHU KAWAN!” and turned my head away from him. I did not respond to his call… and aiyaa… he “huh” me! Realizing that I did not want to friend with him, he drew pictures for me and wrote the word “communicate” and he did not hit his friend anymore. Hehe… See, so easy to handle him… hahaha! Naughty teacher.

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Sixth week…First observation from my lecturer. My students knew that someone was coming. I was totally shocked when I entered 1 Kurshiah. The students have 3600 changed in their attitude! No one slept, no one talked, and no one told joke. All the 6 pairs of eyes were looking at me, listen attentively during my class! While I was teaching, I was wondering whether there’s something wrong with them. They were too cooperative and I was grinning when I taught- tak tahan seeing their serious face. Luckily my lecturer did not observe me that day. Me lecturer observed me the next day. I was teaching 1 Durah at that time and the students also very good and serious on that day… hehe.. good students =p
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Seventh week…
Final observation from my lecture and got first and second observation from my guru pembimbing. Hehe.. I started to become playful with my students… less serious than before when no one observed me. I felt more comfortable and happy if there’s no gap between the students and me. This week was the busiest week… everyday did my lesson plan, teaching materials, typing notes and exercise and check the students’ book… No need sleep lo.. got panda eyes already!
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Eight week…
Got my final observation from my guru pembimbing. And it’s the final week of my practicum. It was the time for us to separate. So sad… need to separate with them, could not play with them anymore. I’ll miss you all, my students.
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Ninth week…
I am back to UKM, Leading the life as a student, Missing my lovely students.
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I still remember having to move house, carried all the belongings with my friends using the trolley and moved to the house nearby at night as the previous owner wanted to cheat us.. haha. But at the same time, I realized that there are many caring neighbors who care for us. The place still has the kampung feels… Everyone is so friendly EXCEPT that 13 o ’clock renter. All my students are smart and I love them. They care for others. Once, there’s a student who lost his pencil case, stolen by his classmate. He cried and all his friends tried to console him, did not left him alone. A moment later, all the students gathered in the classroom, boys and girls were gathered separately by themselves without the teacher. Even my friends and me were not allowed to get into their ‘court’-they said that they could solved it by themselves. The boys were having meeting, as if in the court… asking who have bullied the student. No quarrel… everything was solved in peace. I am proud of them. How many of us will do the same, fight for justice and help their friend?

Eight week of practicum,
A memorable moment,
It has made me to realize many things,
And I’ve learned a lot about life.
The hardest moment…
It is not the moment when I have no choice but to move house,
Nor it was the moment when I have to burn the midnight oil.
The hardest moment is when it’s time I have to say goodbye to my beloved students, to Seremban.

Love you all !

Sign language first lesson…

Today is my first lesson for Bahasa Isyarat Malaysia (BIM) basic level class. This is the extra course which I take outside of UKM to enhance my understanding of BIM. I’ve only learn about Kod Tangan Bahasa Malaysia (KTBM) in UKM and that’s not enough for me to teach in future. KTBM is a manually coded language (”sign language” versions of spoken languages) and not the real sign language of the Deaf. The real sign language for the Deaf is known as BIM. My first lesson was about Visual Gesture Communication (VGC) and facial expressions. The way my instructor, Yee Ke Xin taught us is totally different from the way I was taught before. I give credit to her. Although Ke Xin taught us without using any voice, I understood what she taught. Her message was very clear. I am wondering whether I can perform as well as her when I teach in future. If I can teach as well as her, using facial expressions, VGC and the correct sign language, I am sure that the students will perform better provided that the students are willing to work hard. Besides that, I will not have to learn signing from students anymore… the experience that I got during my practicum is enough for me. I have to perform better than the students to get their attention and respect. The most important technique to teach them is to be part of them, to be able to understand their culture and to be able to use their language effectively. I am still lack of confidence and hesitate my performance but I know that I have to work for the better. This needs strong determination. As I’ve already put my first step forward, I know that I shall continue my steps towards the ‘Miracle tree’ that is standing still far in front, waiting for me to put fertilizer so that it will bear flowers and fruits by itself. I’ll walk along that path- the road I’ve taken unless… unless one day I feel weary. Then, I may stop, feeling heartache… staring at the tree in front which is fruitless. I hope that I will not get burnout in future but there are many unpredictable things in this world. Miracle tree… my steps may be slow, wait for me because I want to see you growing with beautiful flowers and fruits. Living with hope and uncertainty…